Pathetic

I went out with my cold blooded friend jz bcz of 1 simple reason... he wanted to take his shoes that he had bought earlier from a friend of mine...if not bcz of it, 'It' wouldn't have even thought of stepping into my house..

It came to my senses that 'It' had already moved on so quickly that 'It' is seeing someone else hoping to be best friends... I can still sit and listen to 'It' telling me the details... and yes..it is my fault..I pestered 'It' to let me know..and voila!.. it hurts~~~
See.. Once again, it's my own damn fault.. I'm like that.. If i don't know, i'll be uneasy.. and if i know, I'd be hurt.. Both ways are suicidal to me..

Here am i.. a pathetic giant in front of the PC not knowing what to do and how to react in the future.. Consoling myself that being a celibacy isn't that bad.. i have all the time to myself...

I wish to leave where i am now.. to somewhere where human doesn't exist.. but i don't want to end up being a ghost.. AGAIN! I'm such a coward to face reality and always thinking of ending everything abruptly..

These feelings are ripping me apart... Tearing my heart n soul into bit pieces... The worse part is that i need to cover it up...everyday, every hour, every minute and every second.. I'm not supposed to reveal it bcz my inner self tells me not to as it says i'll hurt the people around me..

Even my egoistic mind insisits that I don't need anyone's help as i can handle it on my own.. But it always fails.. and yet, my mind still wants to behave this way...i feel so detached from my inner self and tend to act in strange ways that a normal human being isn't supposed to..

Sigh... Only time can help me.. Really wish that this can end right now...instantly...

Cheers...

April 22, 2007 Permalink Comments (0)