'It'- The Cold Hearted Species

I should be happy today cz i've jz celebrated my mom's birthday with my family and aunts...kfc, satay, cake, laughters, giggles, gossips... these should be some of a girl's best friends..

However, i don't feel that way.. This afternoon, i called my cold-blooded friend to see whether 'it' would like yumcha together... the usual response... 'It' wasn't free... 'It' had other plans..outing with 'its' own species i guess..

i jz can't believe what is happening... knowing 'it' for many years, how can that creature treat me like it doesn't know me?? have i changed into another form of entity? have i transformed into someone else beyond recognition?

Some of my best friends told me to move on and forget about that stone, cold, evil hearted species.. but i can't... it's been many years.. the problem with me, i'm still hanging on to the past..i can't let it go even though i've promised myself to.. My only hope is that we could still be good friends despite what had happened previously..

At times, i feel that 'it' is avoiding me.. 'It' was the one who mentioned that v are not compatible as being best friends... When i said it was ok to remain as 'good' friends, 'it' was relieved.. But if 'it' was relieved, then why 'it' is trying to get rid of me? Why is 'it' finding all ways to not socialize with me.. is it a sin to still keep in contact with a good instead of a best friend???

I should just hate that cold hearted species for the things 'it' had done.. But i really can't..Can someone pls help me?? i m still thinking of the nice things that 'it' had done in the past n it makes me ponder whether i'm a lunatic.. I should really close up my heart and insist my mind to only remember the hurtful things 'it' had did to me..

Even in my blog, i can't even openly discuss this matter as 'it' is still in my friendster list.. I don't want 'it' to feel so bad if 'it' were to read my blog.. 'It' would just know i'm talking about 'it.' Others may speculate but at least i did my part for not exposing 'it.'

The end of it..im emotionally defeated and conquered.. Gone case... Really am thinking of leaving this sad, gloomy, miserable, heartbreaking and depressing state of mind.. Maybe i should go somewhere else... Be alone and forget everything.. . How nice if i could just delete 'it' from my brain..

Ain't sure who can help me.. i don't think there's a soul who can but myself.. but like i said, my stubborn headed mind doesn't want to help me..~~~~

I'm conquered..defeated..overpowered...crushed by my own emotions..Im awfully tired to wear a mask all the time.. Help me..

That's it.. and i still have to say "Cheers" to all~~~

April 21, 2007 Permalink Comments (0)