Today, the cold hearted creature offered to help me after reading all of my blogs... Of course, I was shocked... I can't believe 'It' would actually say that and even booked an appointment for me to visit a psychologist this Thursday... Wow! It's like a miracle... 'It' actually cares!!! It sounds that I am the one who needs help but I think 'It' is the one who needs it more than I do... Cz 'It' is INHUMANE... 'It' isn't like us... 'It' is cold blooded...
Wait a minute... Think again... Do you think 'It' is doing it for me? After analyzing the situation, 'It' is only faking it... 'It' is doing this so that 'It' would not feel guilty for what 'It' has caused in my pathetic life... Come'n man...I'm not that dumb!!! Please la... Don't treat me like a kid...
And 'It' was actually telling me to get up just like a child who has fallen on the ground.. But what will happen if a child always gets up when he falls but is pushed again and again till he drops heavily to the ground? One fine day, the child will definitely not get up anymore and will lay flat down...
Also, giving life a chance is crucial and I agree with this... However, have you ever wondered that it can be sick and tiring to keep changing when everyone is against you? No matter how hard you try to escape from it, changing for the better is advisable only if you are given the chance... Yes, I've given myself numerous chances but I'm always being kicked and pushed around like nobody's business.... How would you feel if you were me huh???
People can say 101 positive words and comments because they have not experienced to be betrayed, cheated and deluded by someone they trust most... I agree that some of them have experienced it, but our tresholds are different...I am not them and vice versa...
Everyone can say I'm making excuses... Say all they want but I stand firm on my decisions... My stubborness can be my downfall but who cares??? I don't and will not care what people have to say about me... There're many lives ahead... I may rot six feet under but my mind will never... Why should I torture myself in this life when there're plenty coming ahead???
'It' only knows how to COMPARE, LECTURE and TEACH me... 'It' doesn't know that 'It' doesn't have the right to do so... "It' began and ended everything abruptly without giving me any chance... 'It' is so self-centered... Nowadays, 'It' has changed a lot... But life would be different if 'It' was a changed person initially... So 'It' doesn't have the right to put the blame on me...
'It' doesn't even realized that I've become a changed a person... I don't care a damn about anything which I think what I should had done long ago.. After all, 'It' was the one who told me that I shouldn't care or do anything unneccessarily... And that I should always live for myself first before others... As you can see, I'm living my life the way I WANT... Not others... 'It' is so blind, brainless and stupid that 'It' couldn't even notice the differences between the old and new me...
What I hate most is that I am always not given a chance.. From school days till now... It never ends... Why do I have to give others a chance but a chance is never given to me??? Think again... If you were me, what would you do??? I've fallen a dozen of times and got back up again.. I'm truly sick and tired and I want to continue my life without the present memories inhibiting inside me... Another form of life awaits everyone... No one can escape that...
Cheers...
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Monday, May 7, 2007
Past, Present & Future
Someone just lectured me abt the above mentioned topic... He told me to live in the present and to view the past as a history...Long gone...Even my boss advised me to overcome the obstacles I'm facing... Everyone is saying the same thing!!! My ears are bored to death!!! Come'n I can't bear to listen anymore.. I believe all earthlings would say the same thing to me!!!
Although I may not like to hear it, I know they're right...Super right.. But.. and However...I can't even let go of my past and I can't see my future.. Even my present seems vague.. I know what I've got to do.. And I shall not procastinate further... The time has come.. but not now, not tommorrow, or the day after next, next week or next month...
Timing is crucial when we believe that something has to be done.. After all, delaying only worsens the situation.. Life's a neverending journey... Our physical form may be dead but our mind will not.. Our mind is a form of energy... And like science had proven, energy can neither be created nor destroyed... Energy can only change to another form...
So, you see... I may be dead in my physical shell, but my mind will still be here... It'll still exist no matter how hard we try to destroy it... The only problem is which form will it be? An insect? An animal? A human? An Angel? A wandering ghost? A devil? I'll never know... Neither do you...
Of course, death is scary.... I tend to dwell in the past for no apparent reason... The present is painful... I can only look forward for the future.. Yes, time will heal for most of us.. But not for me... Time'll only prolong the sadness, pain and anger inside me...
Not to worry... Like I said, all of us will have another life whether we want it or not.. The only downfall is that we cannot choose... We've to accept whatever form we are destined to be... I'm only scared that I'll be something worse than a human... But there'll be a chance that I'll be a human again... Am positive.. Just have to wait for the right timing...
The past, present and future is always in our hands... We decide what we want to become...
Cheers~~~
Although I may not like to hear it, I know they're right...Super right.. But.. and However...I can't even let go of my past and I can't see my future.. Even my present seems vague.. I know what I've got to do.. And I shall not procastinate further... The time has come.. but not now, not tommorrow, or the day after next, next week or next month...
Timing is crucial when we believe that something has to be done.. After all, delaying only worsens the situation.. Life's a neverending journey... Our physical form may be dead but our mind will not.. Our mind is a form of energy... And like science had proven, energy can neither be created nor destroyed... Energy can only change to another form...
So, you see... I may be dead in my physical shell, but my mind will still be here... It'll still exist no matter how hard we try to destroy it... The only problem is which form will it be? An insect? An animal? A human? An Angel? A wandering ghost? A devil? I'll never know... Neither do you...
Of course, death is scary.... I tend to dwell in the past for no apparent reason... The present is painful... I can only look forward for the future.. Yes, time will heal for most of us.. But not for me... Time'll only prolong the sadness, pain and anger inside me...
Not to worry... Like I said, all of us will have another life whether we want it or not.. The only downfall is that we cannot choose... We've to accept whatever form we are destined to be... I'm only scared that I'll be something worse than a human... But there'll be a chance that I'll be a human again... Am positive.. Just have to wait for the right timing...
The past, present and future is always in our hands... We decide what we want to become...
Cheers~~~
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Is Change Difficult???
My good friend took me out today... She actively persuaded, lectured and advised me on many aspects:-
1. To Get Out of the Slump
2. To Change to a Positive Mindset
3. To Be Wise and Cautious
4. To Be Patient as Patience is a Virtue
5. To Succeed and Excel in Life
For once, I truly find it very realistic that every homo sapien should behave this way.. But if everyone is the same, there wouldn't be much differences... On the other hand, my friend is damn right...
Practically, I am really trying extremely hard to change... Do changes need to be planned systematically or should we take it easy? Well, I've decided to take a step-by-step approach.. Hope to get a good outcome out of it... These are what I am going to do...
To Get out of the Slump
To Change to a Positive Mindset
To Be Wise and Cautious
To Be Patient as Patience is a Virtue
To Succeed and Excel in Life
1. To Get Out of the Slump
2. To Change to a Positive Mindset
3. To Be Wise and Cautious
4. To Be Patient as Patience is a Virtue
5. To Succeed and Excel in Life
For once, I truly find it very realistic that every homo sapien should behave this way.. But if everyone is the same, there wouldn't be much differences... On the other hand, my friend is damn right...
Practically, I am really trying extremely hard to change... Do changes need to be planned systematically or should we take it easy? Well, I've decided to take a step-by-step approach.. Hope to get a good outcome out of it... These are what I am going to do...
To Get out of the Slump
- Begin by socializing more and do not only be stuck at home
To Change to a Positive Mindset
- Always use the word 'I CAN DO IT' instead of 'I Can't'
- Always think of positive thoughts whenever negative feelings visit me
To Be Wise and Cautious
- Do not be gullible
- Analyze situations at many different angles before a conclusion is made
To Be Patient as Patience is a Virtue
- Only those who are patient will be able to succeed in life
- Rushing into situations will only make things worse
To Succeed and Excel in Life
- Keep upgrading myself physically, spiritually and mentally
- Do not stop when 'Failure' visits me for 'Failure' is the key to re-evaluate situations to improve
- Continuous Improvement is the key to excellence
I'll try my utmost best to follow this 5 magic keys in order to get back on my feet. I will succeed and time will allow me to prove to everyone that I can. Occassionally I may still fall apart but I'll promise to get up immediately..
Cheers...
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
It's Killing Me
Words cant describe how i am feeling at this moment.. i realize that it's super duper hard for me to get out from this hell that i've created by myself.. Do hope i can help myself... But i just can't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHH........
Someone i've known for so many years can just end everything in less than a minute! And in less than 1/2 a year, 'It' is actively involved with some other homo sapien happily... How can that be? How can 'It' managed to move on so very quickly but on the other hand, i'm stuck in time??
I admit I'm pure jealous... At this very second, i feel there's a huge tornado coming towards me.. Thousands and even millinons of sharp needles are poking my heart and my soul... And i'm letting it be.. A dumb human being like me don't deserve to live neither in this world or even in other planets for i cannot keep a positive attitude...
I really hate myself.. My insanity is freaking me out.. Honestly, I don't know how long more can i last.. I'm like a seed on a ground, waiting for the wind to take me away from this miserable state of mind..
Cheers...
Someone i've known for so many years can just end everything in less than a minute! And in less than 1/2 a year, 'It' is actively involved with some other homo sapien happily... How can that be? How can 'It' managed to move on so very quickly but on the other hand, i'm stuck in time??
I admit I'm pure jealous... At this very second, i feel there's a huge tornado coming towards me.. Thousands and even millinons of sharp needles are poking my heart and my soul... And i'm letting it be.. A dumb human being like me don't deserve to live neither in this world or even in other planets for i cannot keep a positive attitude...
I really hate myself.. My insanity is freaking me out.. Honestly, I don't know how long more can i last.. I'm like a seed on a ground, waiting for the wind to take me away from this miserable state of mind..
Cheers...
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Anyway~~
Depression is unavoidable.. It's a sickening process that everyone of us will go through at a certain point in our lives.. However, i am just letting it hurt me when i know it is not right to.. Some of us may take longer time to recover from it, and i may be one of them.. I came across something interesting by Mother Theresa... Hopefully, this would cheer me up..
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centred
Forgive them anyway
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives
Be kind anyway
If you are successful, you will win friends, some false and some true
Succeed anyway
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you
Be honest and frank anyway
What you spend your life building, someone destroys overnight
Build anyway
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous
Be happy anyway
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow
Do good anyway
Give the world your best anyway
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God
It was never between you and them anyway
This is indeed very motivating...But it is easier said than done.. I guess only those who have strong will power and determination may succeed.. Definitely not me..
The phrase:
How on earth can anyone remain positive when someone comes their way and ruins them? Especially a loved one is the ultimate culprit? And it's even harder to imagine that if we were betrayed by someone we sacrificed so much for them... Do you think we can still have the courage to start building our lives again? Yes, by right, we ought to and have to do it no matter whether we like it or not..
Once again, the word 'however' plays a crucial part... -However-, it is rather impossible to get up on our feet again after experiencing much pain and anguish.. We are being backstabbed, emotionally murdered and slaughtered by someone we love so so so much... What else can we do??
Well.. this is only my opinoin.. I'm not implying that Mother Theresa's words are illogical... It's just so hard for me to be what she thinks can be done...
Something for all of u to ponder... Something that is rational and realistic and yet it could be irraitional and unrealistic to some of us..
Cheers...
May 01, 2007 Permalink Comments (0)
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centred
Forgive them anyway
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives
Be kind anyway
If you are successful, you will win friends, some false and some true
Succeed anyway
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you
Be honest and frank anyway
What you spend your life building, someone destroys overnight
Build anyway
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous
Be happy anyway
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow
Do good anyway
Give the world your best anyway
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God
It was never between you and them anyway
This is indeed very motivating...But it is easier said than done.. I guess only those who have strong will power and determination may succeed.. Definitely not me..
The phrase:
"What you spend your life building, someone destroys overnight... Build anyway"
How on earth can anyone remain positive when someone comes their way and ruins them? Especially a loved one is the ultimate culprit? And it's even harder to imagine that if we were betrayed by someone we sacrificed so much for them... Do you think we can still have the courage to start building our lives again? Yes, by right, we ought to and have to do it no matter whether we like it or not..
Once again, the word 'however' plays a crucial part... -However-, it is rather impossible to get up on our feet again after experiencing much pain and anguish.. We are being backstabbed, emotionally murdered and slaughtered by someone we love so so so much... What else can we do??
Well.. this is only my opinoin.. I'm not implying that Mother Theresa's words are illogical... It's just so hard for me to be what she thinks can be done...
Something for all of u to ponder... Something that is rational and realistic and yet it could be irraitional and unrealistic to some of us..
Cheers...
May 01, 2007 Permalink Comments (0)
Goodbye
I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and I sympathize
And Ill never criticize
all youve ever meant to my life
(chorus)
I dont want to let you down
I dont want to lead you on
I dont want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just cant live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
Theres nothing left to say but good-bye
You deserve the chance at the kind of lov
eIm not sure Im worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
(chorus)
you would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just cant live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
Theres nothing left to try
Though its gonna hurt us both
Theres no other way than to say good-bye
April 29, 2007 Permalink Comments (0)
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and I sympathize
And Ill never criticize
all youve ever meant to my life
(chorus)
I dont want to let you down
I dont want to lead you on
I dont want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just cant live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
Theres nothing left to say but good-bye
You deserve the chance at the kind of lov
eIm not sure Im worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
(chorus)
you would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just cant live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
Theres nothing left to try
Though its gonna hurt us both
Theres no other way than to say good-bye
April 29, 2007 Permalink Comments (0)
Hate Myself
Life can be so beautiful yet ugly..or simple yet complicated.. It totally depends on our own perspective, ur own opinions, views.. bla bla bla etc etc..
But at the end, i still can't figure why am i torturing myself to keep reiterating what i say...even by just exercising my fingers to type this, my mind is still rewinding and replaying back unnecessary thoughts that'll spoil my mood... Hate myself for it..
Sometimes, i blame my heart for becoming the stimuli.. it gives my mind the green light to go ahead with it.. There u go..My heart is partly to be blamed too.. Also, i'm not emotionally strong enough to hold myself together..
Whether it's either my heart or my brain, the final verdict is, i'm jz a fool..A pathetic, miserable fool who just doesn't know how to quit my nonsensical thoughts..
Sadness, fear and guilt encompasses my everyday life.. i'm not gonna say anything further.. it's just empty..if only my cup would be 1/3 full, i'd be contented..
Cheers...
April 28, 2007 Permalink Comments (0)
But at the end, i still can't figure why am i torturing myself to keep reiterating what i say...even by just exercising my fingers to type this, my mind is still rewinding and replaying back unnecessary thoughts that'll spoil my mood... Hate myself for it..
Sometimes, i blame my heart for becoming the stimuli.. it gives my mind the green light to go ahead with it.. There u go..My heart is partly to be blamed too.. Also, i'm not emotionally strong enough to hold myself together..
Whether it's either my heart or my brain, the final verdict is, i'm jz a fool..A pathetic, miserable fool who just doesn't know how to quit my nonsensical thoughts..
Sadness, fear and guilt encompasses my everyday life.. i'm not gonna say anything further.. it's just empty..if only my cup would be 1/3 full, i'd be contented..
Cheers...
April 28, 2007 Permalink Comments (0)
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