Finally, exams are over... Am finally feeling relieved, but this is only temporary... I still have to push myself to do the best for at least one more year... Hopefully, getting an MBA really does pay off one day...
Am just feeling happy that life seems brighter now... I've great companies, nice people around me keeping me motivated all the time!!! What more can I ask right??? For instance, a few friends of mine, keep telling me that I would be a good wife because I always worry for the other party, continuously striving for improvement and I can cook!!! Hahaha... It does brighten up my day though...Hehehe...
People you once thought that couldn't be a good friend can indeed be a good friend... And even a superb listener too... Matured and wise, he gives practical advises that are easy to follow provided if I keep an open-mind... Till today, my stubborness is my downfall... Really have to be very careful on that...
Besides, I am happy that I once felt lost and cheated... If not because of it, I would still be a naive person who is dumb and silent...There is always something to learn from history... And I've learnt a few very important theories:-
"There is no point crying for a HEARTLESS and COMPLACENT person who does not cry for you; CRY for whom is close to you, SPIRITUALLY and MENTALLY; for your tears need your ultimate guidance..."
"Use your INTUITION to invest in a blue chip...Failing to do so, you may end up losing your life.."
"Being attached is a blessing... However, ATTACHEMENTS can turn sour if you are not prepared.."
"Love with your HEART and SOUL; learn to APPRECIATE your partner... To love and be loved in return is the key..."
"Do not TAKE FOR GRANTED that any pleasant situation will last; for IMPERMANANCE will be here soon..."
Although most people will not agree with my theories but I don't give a damn!!! Hahaha... Think further... Open up your mind and you'll see the rationality in it... People tend to say it's stupid.. But why? It's because they DON'T want to face the REALITY...
Cheers...
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Women! Don't Take Unecessary Risks!!!
Before I begin, I would like to share about my day today...
Finally, I've some peace of mind... I've completed most of my assignments... After so many hours, days and weeks spent, I can finally breathe!!! Hahah.. Although exam is just around the corner, I feel that completing my assignments have reduced the burdens on my shoulder...
In the process of finishing the awful and time-consuming coursework, Mic had tremendously helped me a lot... And for the first time in my life, someone actually cares about what I write, what I think and what I feel about my work... He was there to comment, to give suggestions and most importantly, he gave his utmost emotional support... You know me lah... I am kinda of a 'cuckoo' person... Hahaha... My mood sometimes fluctuates... Could be due to PMS... Hehehe...
I had an amazing time today... Being able to catch 'Transformers' although I am a few months late.. Hahah... And Mid Valley is still showing it... It's worth it coz' I had the coupon 'Buy 1 free 1.' Just RM 12 for two persons...
It feels good to be able to hold someone you love, just walking and talking and having a great time together.... It doesn't matter if you don't get to buy anything you like while window shopping, but the 'feeling' is there... PROVIDED if you walk and talk to someone who is not boring and mundane, and someone who doesn't talk rubbish... And never ever go out with someone who cannot 'open' his/ her mouth while he/ she is next to you... It's just like having to prise open someone's mouth which is filled with pure gold or even platinum... Hehehe...
Like a friend said, 'Life is great when if you think it is.' Or else, life will be hopeless, dim and insecure if you are not positive enough to look at the bright side when you feel that life is crashing... So what if your life isn't going the way you want it to be? Are you going to die? Even if you were, what makes you think that it is the end? Have you ever thought of life after death? Nobody knows...
Even if someone betrays or deceives you, this is a lesson that we have to learn... And never allow history to repeat itself again... For instance, I will never go back to the person who've had betrayed me... Yes, everyone deserves a second chance, but sometimes, it is just not worth the risk...Ok.. We are going into the topic...
I once had a friend... She had a very good relationship with her boyfriend for several years... However, she was cheated by her boyfriend... Her man went after a disgusting whore although the latter was physically gorgeous... Later, her man decided that the whore isn't his cup of tea any decided to make up with my friend... And now, both of them are living happily as husband and wife and even has 2 kids- A boy and a girl..
The question is, "Is it worth the risk?" Yes, life is full or risks, why not treat just go for it? But you see, my friend has failed to see and analyze further... What happens if her husband cheats on her again? She may not be lucky and may end up in a divorce... After all, there is a Chinese saying "Do it once, there'll be a second time again..." What will happen to her INNOCENT CHILDREN if her husband leaves her? Moreover, she is not a capable woman... She does not earn much and still needs money from her husband... How is she going to fend for herself and her kids??? Even if she can make ends meet, her kids will lose a father figure... Worse still, they will not have all the best due to financial constraints (ie: education).
Others tell me that the scenario will be even worse if your husband cheats you after you are married and has no previous 'bad' track record... Yes, it is true... You may face the shock of your lifetime!!! Buy HEY!! WAKE UP WOMAN!! If a person has already have a 'scarred' record with solid evidences, why do you want to take the risks??? Do you want to have another blow of your life again??? Do you want history to repeat???? Have you not learnt your lesson??? Do you possibly think he is a blue chip when you know he is a CASANOVA??? Hah.. I doubt it...
You may say I am very negative on this issue, but seriously, it is not worth it... Maybe I am skeptical that people can change for the better but most of them don't... Often, it is the opposite.. Hehehe... About my friend, I doubt she will ever have a tremendously happy life the way she thinks... When you are hurt before, I am positively sure you will always have some grudge on it and sometimes think about the issue... And what I've mentioned above, kids will be the one who suffer the most... So you see, do you want all these to happen? Just wishing her the best of luck... I doubt her relationship will last :p
That is why we, especially women must equip ourselves... Be capable, productive and smart... With proper education, knowledge and wisdom, we can excel even if we fail in any relationships.. At least, you have your own financial independence as you don't have to rely on solely on your husband... The best part is, the possibility of your kids having a better education and life is higher... People always think that the ALIMONY given will be able to support the children, but COME'N la!!! YOUR HUSBAND DUMPED YOU AND NOW YOU WANT HIS MONEY??? SO CHEAPSKATE!!! Please la.. Women out there, please DON'T say "IT SHOULD BE YOURS!!!" Cz, you'll be implying that you still can't live without him in your life!!! What is the difference between you and a whore then???
This blog is to educate women not to be stupid in life... Do not take unnecessary risks... Hahaha...
Cheers ;)
Finally, I've some peace of mind... I've completed most of my assignments... After so many hours, days and weeks spent, I can finally breathe!!! Hahah.. Although exam is just around the corner, I feel that completing my assignments have reduced the burdens on my shoulder...
In the process of finishing the awful and time-consuming coursework, Mic had tremendously helped me a lot... And for the first time in my life, someone actually cares about what I write, what I think and what I feel about my work... He was there to comment, to give suggestions and most importantly, he gave his utmost emotional support... You know me lah... I am kinda of a 'cuckoo' person... Hahaha... My mood sometimes fluctuates... Could be due to PMS... Hehehe...
I had an amazing time today... Being able to catch 'Transformers' although I am a few months late.. Hahah... And Mid Valley is still showing it... It's worth it coz' I had the coupon 'Buy 1 free 1.' Just RM 12 for two persons...
It feels good to be able to hold someone you love, just walking and talking and having a great time together.... It doesn't matter if you don't get to buy anything you like while window shopping, but the 'feeling' is there... PROVIDED if you walk and talk to someone who is not boring and mundane, and someone who doesn't talk rubbish... And never ever go out with someone who cannot 'open' his/ her mouth while he/ she is next to you... It's just like having to prise open someone's mouth which is filled with pure gold or even platinum... Hehehe...
Like a friend said, 'Life is great when if you think it is.' Or else, life will be hopeless, dim and insecure if you are not positive enough to look at the bright side when you feel that life is crashing... So what if your life isn't going the way you want it to be? Are you going to die? Even if you were, what makes you think that it is the end? Have you ever thought of life after death? Nobody knows...
Even if someone betrays or deceives you, this is a lesson that we have to learn... And never allow history to repeat itself again... For instance, I will never go back to the person who've had betrayed me... Yes, everyone deserves a second chance, but sometimes, it is just not worth the risk...Ok.. We are going into the topic...
I once had a friend... She had a very good relationship with her boyfriend for several years... However, she was cheated by her boyfriend... Her man went after a disgusting whore although the latter was physically gorgeous... Later, her man decided that the whore isn't his cup of tea any decided to make up with my friend... And now, both of them are living happily as husband and wife and even has 2 kids- A boy and a girl..
The question is, "Is it worth the risk?" Yes, life is full or risks, why not treat just go for it? But you see, my friend has failed to see and analyze further... What happens if her husband cheats on her again? She may not be lucky and may end up in a divorce... After all, there is a Chinese saying "Do it once, there'll be a second time again..." What will happen to her INNOCENT CHILDREN if her husband leaves her? Moreover, she is not a capable woman... She does not earn much and still needs money from her husband... How is she going to fend for herself and her kids??? Even if she can make ends meet, her kids will lose a father figure... Worse still, they will not have all the best due to financial constraints (ie: education).
Others tell me that the scenario will be even worse if your husband cheats you after you are married and has no previous 'bad' track record... Yes, it is true... You may face the shock of your lifetime!!! Buy HEY!! WAKE UP WOMAN!! If a person has already have a 'scarred' record with solid evidences, why do you want to take the risks??? Do you want to have another blow of your life again??? Do you want history to repeat???? Have you not learnt your lesson??? Do you possibly think he is a blue chip when you know he is a CASANOVA??? Hah.. I doubt it...
You may say I am very negative on this issue, but seriously, it is not worth it... Maybe I am skeptical that people can change for the better but most of them don't... Often, it is the opposite.. Hehehe... About my friend, I doubt she will ever have a tremendously happy life the way she thinks... When you are hurt before, I am positively sure you will always have some grudge on it and sometimes think about the issue... And what I've mentioned above, kids will be the one who suffer the most... So you see, do you want all these to happen? Just wishing her the best of luck... I doubt her relationship will last :p
That is why we, especially women must equip ourselves... Be capable, productive and smart... With proper education, knowledge and wisdom, we can excel even if we fail in any relationships.. At least, you have your own financial independence as you don't have to rely on solely on your husband... The best part is, the possibility of your kids having a better education and life is higher... People always think that the ALIMONY given will be able to support the children, but COME'N la!!! YOUR HUSBAND DUMPED YOU AND NOW YOU WANT HIS MONEY??? SO CHEAPSKATE!!! Please la.. Women out there, please DON'T say "IT SHOULD BE YOURS!!!" Cz, you'll be implying that you still can't live without him in your life!!! What is the difference between you and a whore then???
This blog is to educate women not to be stupid in life... Do not take unnecessary risks... Hahaha...
Cheers ;)
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Behind Every Succesful Man, There is a Woman; Behind Every Sucessful Woman, There Is No Man...
Yup… Is the statement true? Do you agree with it? Do you think that behind every successful man there is a woman but behind every successful woman there isn’t any man? Hmm… Very subjective..
I would like to think that there is no definite answer to the statement… But…Again… there are some facts to it…
Look at Bill Clinton.. He has Hillary…Tony Blair has Cherie… Bush has Laura… Osama has few wives… and my dad has my mom..Hahaha… On the other hand, is there a man behind Sophia Gandhi? Is there someone behind Arroyo?
So then, is the female species more superior than men? Well, I don’t want to be bias, really… It’s just that science has proven it to us… Female has XX chromosomes but male has XY chromosomes.. Thus, man actually need our female part of the chromosome in order for them to be a ‘man’… No wonder men have NIPPLES too.. Hahahah… Why? Because they are partially made up from the females ‘X’ chromosome… Hehehe…
Besides, I do see that there are many successful women out there who do not need a man behind them.. Yes, I don’t disagree that there are women who have support behind them.. It’s just that most of them don’t… This is definitely an undeniable fact..
Hence, it doesn’t matter if you are OUTCAST or DUMPED by any man, because indirectly, they are giving you a chance of the lifetime to be one of the most successful woman on earth!!! BRAVO… And they don’t even realize it… Hehehe… I am brutally honest here.. Women can unleash their potentials within drastically and they can be extremely wicked to get what they want… They will achieve whatever they desire in order to prove to men that they are not useless creatures..
Again.. I tend not to only side my own species… Well, like me.. I have someone behind me to keep me going.. Someone who shares my vision and dreams…And I’m well respected… So, I’ll have to rephrase the statement…
I would like to think that there is no definite answer to the statement… But…Again… there are some facts to it…
Look at Bill Clinton.. He has Hillary…Tony Blair has Cherie… Bush has Laura… Osama has few wives… and my dad has my mom..Hahaha… On the other hand, is there a man behind Sophia Gandhi? Is there someone behind Arroyo?
So then, is the female species more superior than men? Well, I don’t want to be bias, really… It’s just that science has proven it to us… Female has XX chromosomes but male has XY chromosomes.. Thus, man actually need our female part of the chromosome in order for them to be a ‘man’… No wonder men have NIPPLES too.. Hahahah… Why? Because they are partially made up from the females ‘X’ chromosome… Hehehe…
Besides, I do see that there are many successful women out there who do not need a man behind them.. Yes, I don’t disagree that there are women who have support behind them.. It’s just that most of them don’t… This is definitely an undeniable fact..
Hence, it doesn’t matter if you are OUTCAST or DUMPED by any man, because indirectly, they are giving you a chance of the lifetime to be one of the most successful woman on earth!!! BRAVO… And they don’t even realize it… Hehehe… I am brutally honest here.. Women can unleash their potentials within drastically and they can be extremely wicked to get what they want… They will achieve whatever they desire in order to prove to men that they are not useless creatures..
Again.. I tend not to only side my own species… Well, like me.. I have someone behind me to keep me going.. Someone who shares my vision and dreams…And I’m well respected… So, I’ll have to rephrase the statement…
" Behind every successful man, there will definitely be a woman, But behind every successful woman, there may be a GENTLEMAN…."
You see… A man and a gentleman is different.. Why? Let me enlighten you a little.. Hehehe…
Man- Physical, Alter-ego, Demanding, Masculine, Unreasonable, Callous, Male Chauvinist
Gentleman- Tame, Altruistic, Philanthropic, Romantic, Caring, Idealistic
I used to have a ‘man’ behind me and no wonder I wasn’t successful at all!!! Hahaha… As compared to now, I am positively sure I am thriving superbly well than before… Hehehe… So you see.. There is a difference between a man and a gentleman
For you guys out there… Honestly.. Are you a man or a gentleman? Just look at your wife.. Or your girlfriend… Are they successful??? It should answer the question… It’s that simple… Hehehe…
Cheers :)
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Reborn...
Eureka! Eureka! Finally! Finally I'm able to do what I want... Initially, I just felt like upgrading myself and yes! I'm doing it! Mentally, physically and spriritually... It feels great to be one step ahead than others.. (I prefer to think so..hehehe)...
Studying again for future career advancement... Not everyone has the privilege to do so.. And getting an additional qualification in a totally unrelated field is even more challenging... Although it's extremely difficult to cope at times, but I know this is worth it.. Money can't buy knowledge.. And nobody can take knowledge away from anyone.. (Nah.. As if la I'm that smart... Hahahah)..
I'm PROUD of myself... Been able to go through very bad times... Being hurt and hospitalized wasn't a fun thing... But being able TO LOVE and to BE LOVED again is something that I treasure most right now... It seems like my life's complete... And I'm contented for what I have... An understanding partner, a supportive family, whacky friends and a handful of good friends... Hehehe... Moreover, my circle of friends which include successful people; doctors, lawyers, engineers, overseas bankers, senior computer analysts and businessmen had enlighten me to view things at different perspectives... And that made me to make these conclusions:-
Cheers ;)
Studying again for future career advancement... Not everyone has the privilege to do so.. And getting an additional qualification in a totally unrelated field is even more challenging... Although it's extremely difficult to cope at times, but I know this is worth it.. Money can't buy knowledge.. And nobody can take knowledge away from anyone.. (Nah.. As if la I'm that smart... Hahahah)..
I'm PROUD of myself... Been able to go through very bad times... Being hurt and hospitalized wasn't a fun thing... But being able TO LOVE and to BE LOVED again is something that I treasure most right now... It seems like my life's complete... And I'm contented for what I have... An understanding partner, a supportive family, whacky friends and a handful of good friends... Hehehe... Moreover, my circle of friends which include successful people; doctors, lawyers, engineers, overseas bankers, senior computer analysts and businessmen had enlighten me to view things at different perspectives... And that made me to make these conclusions:-
- I CANNOT be labelled as immature by a single individual when the entire world says I'm a matured person. Why? Because that single person does not plan his life. Failing to plan is planning to fail. Furthermore, he lacks self-confidence, is complacent and has unconstructive hobbies. By the way, that person suffers from inferiority complex.
- I am a THINKER not a worrier. I think a lot and am able to create my own hypotheses on any given situation. In any scenario, it is better to have back-up plans. A stitch in time saves nine.
- I am BEAUTIFUL not ugly. I may not have a perfectly symmetrical face and a drop dead gorgeus body but I am beautiful in my way. It's not for others to judge. Point one finger at me and three fingers are pointing at you!
- I am the WINNER not the loser! Yes, even if I've been outcasted! Why? My life is getting better each day and I've learnt a lot from history! There's always a silver lining somewhere!!! Not just behind the clouds..
Honestly, it's great to feel revitalized and energized again... I'm surrounded in an aura of positive 'chi'... It's vital to be with POSITIVE PEOPLE... They'll REJUVENATE you when you are at your weakest.. Am superbly lucky to have them in my life... Thanks a lot to my dear Mic... And my hottie pal.. Hehehehe....
Cheers ;)
Monday, August 27, 2007
Life, Love and Lies
To most people, life is full of love.. But to some others, life is full of lies.. Lame lies... A person can say he or she loves you but it could be a lie.. Why? Because true love is unconditinal love.. Besides our parents, I obviously don't think anyone can give us unconditionally... When we are in trouble, in shock, in pain, trouble, they will stick by us... It is really hard to find someone who does not have any blood tie with us is able to treat and love us the same like our parents do..
Life can be full of misery.. Unkept promises, unreasonable explanations, etc by someone whom we treasure most will drive us up the wall.. When someone says "I will only do this or that when you fulfill some requirements," that is just bullshit... Plain BULL SHIT!!! It is called love with conditions...
Love and lies go hand in hand... A perfect couple, matchmade from heaven... Hahaha.. Why do I say that?? Figure it yourself...
When you divert all your energy to someone you love, you tend to fall easily when things go awry... Heartbroken, devastated, you have lost hope in everything you do and life seems miserable and painstaking...
You find it hard to believe yourself... It is not because you cannot trust others, the fact is, you can't trust yourself... Afraid of making the blunder again... Afraid of history repeating itself again.. Afraid that it is a cycle of love and lies that never end...
A perfect analogy will be when you buy something exquisite which you adore most at a very high price and then trash it away after a while because it is not the current fashion anymore... Thus, you will regret as you had waster so much on it...
The truth is, people tend to change.. You may like something now but HOW SURE are you that you will love it for the rest of you life? You have the authority to change and the power to choose! So what is the point staying faithful when you don't like it anymore?
Hence, what is unconditional love is extremely subjective... How do you define it?? In my opinion, I feel unconditional love is contributing my whole load of energy loving and adoring without any requirements... I HATE and is DISGUSTED by anyone who sets a prerequisite for loving someone...
Think again, maybe think harder... It really PISSES me off when someone sets something stupid in a relationship... It's weird and crazy... But don't be surprised!!! There are dudes who behave in such a way...
Cheers...
Life can be full of misery.. Unkept promises, unreasonable explanations, etc by someone whom we treasure most will drive us up the wall.. When someone says "I will only do this or that when you fulfill some requirements," that is just bullshit... Plain BULL SHIT!!! It is called love with conditions...
Love and lies go hand in hand... A perfect couple, matchmade from heaven... Hahaha.. Why do I say that?? Figure it yourself...
When you divert all your energy to someone you love, you tend to fall easily when things go awry... Heartbroken, devastated, you have lost hope in everything you do and life seems miserable and painstaking...
You find it hard to believe yourself... It is not because you cannot trust others, the fact is, you can't trust yourself... Afraid of making the blunder again... Afraid of history repeating itself again.. Afraid that it is a cycle of love and lies that never end...
A perfect analogy will be when you buy something exquisite which you adore most at a very high price and then trash it away after a while because it is not the current fashion anymore... Thus, you will regret as you had waster so much on it...
The truth is, people tend to change.. You may like something now but HOW SURE are you that you will love it for the rest of you life? You have the authority to change and the power to choose! So what is the point staying faithful when you don't like it anymore?
Hence, what is unconditional love is extremely subjective... How do you define it?? In my opinion, I feel unconditional love is contributing my whole load of energy loving and adoring without any requirements... I HATE and is DISGUSTED by anyone who sets a prerequisite for loving someone...
Think again, maybe think harder... It really PISSES me off when someone sets something stupid in a relationship... It's weird and crazy... But don't be surprised!!! There are dudes who behave in such a way...
Cheers...
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Is Life Complicated?
Once again, Life's so complicated... Why? Because I'm making it so... Simple things can be settled easily and yet, I tend to ponder too much over small issues..
Life's not a destination, life's a journey.. And I wonder why I am still unable to DRILL that into my head... There've been major changes in my life recently and I am quite amazed it happened within a short period..
Firstly, I quit my job, practically a 24-hour notice to continue my studies... Until this moment, this instance and this second, I am still thinking whether it was the right choice... I can't turn back, not now... Or else, I would end up in the cooking pot! My parents'll will literally 'cook' me alive!!!!!!!
Secondly, I've decided to open up my heart to someone really positive and great... Thanks to Michael for making my once dull and pathetic life colourful again... I love him dearly.. Someone who knows how to make me laugh when I'm down, and is always by my side, respects my thoughts and feelings, without making fun of them...
Finally, I'm thankful that my ex dumped me.. Or else, I wouldn't think that I would still be in demand... Although I am not a drop-dead gorgeous babe, but there are few people who are interested in me... Hahaha.... And I can't believe it.. Honestly, it had never ever crossed my mind that someone would want to be more than friends with me!!! Hahahaha!!!! Definitely feels great...
To forget the past is impossible but, I will make it a point to take that as a hard lesson learnt... Even thought when I feel that my life's getting more meaningful each day, I am still not contented..
Why? Because I'm facing a few issues... A conflict of interest within myself... I've Ms. Myself, Ms. Dumbass and Ms. Lovesick stuck with me... A snapshot of the 3 personalities are as follows:-
Ms. Myself- Wacky, crazy but rational... Always a thinker.. However, most of the time, she would think too much and ends up frustrated and agitated...
Ms. Dumbass- She cannot analyze thing properly, impatient, easily irritated by issues pertaining to studies, work and emotions...
Ms. Lovesick- To her, love's everything, nothing is superior than that.. Believes that sacrificing everything is the key to everlasting fairytale love... Only wants to be with the one she loves everyday, every minute, every second and every moment..
These 3 characters are always arguing with each other... Ms. Dumbass's constantly nagging Ms. Lovesick to let go the love of ther life, because she wants to have more time improving herself in her studies as she is so stupid...
On the other hand, Ms. Lovesick is lecturing Ms. Dumbass that love is the key to everything.. Anything can only be solved with true and pure love..
And then, Ms. Myself is constantly in a dilemma because she can't control the irrational arguments that Ms. Dumbass and Ms. Lovesick are fighting on... In the end, she feels bogged down by unnecessary issues and is stressed up for nothing... She keeps telling them to settle their problems themselves, but it seems that neither sides are listening to her...
What should Ms. Myself do? Should she kill Ms. Dumbass and Ms. Lovesick? Or should she just leave them alone? Conflicting thoughts and personalities will eventually conquer Ms. Myself if she doesn't eradicated either one of them...
Sigh... Once again... Life seems so complicated... I do hope it'll get better tomorrow.. Tomorrow is a brand new day... It should be good... Be positive... Even if I can't, I will make sure I'll do something about it as I've Michael sticking to me like 'elephant gum.' Hahahaha.... And I love it..
Also, I've my hot sexy, babe friend who often reminds me that life's a journey, not a destination..
Cheers...
Life's not a destination, life's a journey.. And I wonder why I am still unable to DRILL that into my head... There've been major changes in my life recently and I am quite amazed it happened within a short period..
Firstly, I quit my job, practically a 24-hour notice to continue my studies... Until this moment, this instance and this second, I am still thinking whether it was the right choice... I can't turn back, not now... Or else, I would end up in the cooking pot! My parents'll will literally 'cook' me alive!!!!!!!
Secondly, I've decided to open up my heart to someone really positive and great... Thanks to Michael for making my once dull and pathetic life colourful again... I love him dearly.. Someone who knows how to make me laugh when I'm down, and is always by my side, respects my thoughts and feelings, without making fun of them...
Finally, I'm thankful that my ex dumped me.. Or else, I wouldn't think that I would still be in demand... Although I am not a drop-dead gorgeous babe, but there are few people who are interested in me... Hahaha.... And I can't believe it.. Honestly, it had never ever crossed my mind that someone would want to be more than friends with me!!! Hahahaha!!!! Definitely feels great...
To forget the past is impossible but, I will make it a point to take that as a hard lesson learnt... Even thought when I feel that my life's getting more meaningful each day, I am still not contented..
Why? Because I'm facing a few issues... A conflict of interest within myself... I've Ms. Myself, Ms. Dumbass and Ms. Lovesick stuck with me... A snapshot of the 3 personalities are as follows:-
Ms. Myself- Wacky, crazy but rational... Always a thinker.. However, most of the time, she would think too much and ends up frustrated and agitated...
Ms. Dumbass- She cannot analyze thing properly, impatient, easily irritated by issues pertaining to studies, work and emotions...
Ms. Lovesick- To her, love's everything, nothing is superior than that.. Believes that sacrificing everything is the key to everlasting fairytale love... Only wants to be with the one she loves everyday, every minute, every second and every moment..
These 3 characters are always arguing with each other... Ms. Dumbass's constantly nagging Ms. Lovesick to let go the love of ther life, because she wants to have more time improving herself in her studies as she is so stupid...
On the other hand, Ms. Lovesick is lecturing Ms. Dumbass that love is the key to everything.. Anything can only be solved with true and pure love..
And then, Ms. Myself is constantly in a dilemma because she can't control the irrational arguments that Ms. Dumbass and Ms. Lovesick are fighting on... In the end, she feels bogged down by unnecessary issues and is stressed up for nothing... She keeps telling them to settle their problems themselves, but it seems that neither sides are listening to her...
What should Ms. Myself do? Should she kill Ms. Dumbass and Ms. Lovesick? Or should she just leave them alone? Conflicting thoughts and personalities will eventually conquer Ms. Myself if she doesn't eradicated either one of them...
Sigh... Once again... Life seems so complicated... I do hope it'll get better tomorrow.. Tomorrow is a brand new day... It should be good... Be positive... Even if I can't, I will make sure I'll do something about it as I've Michael sticking to me like 'elephant gum.' Hahahaha.... And I love it..
Also, I've my hot sexy, babe friend who often reminds me that life's a journey, not a destination..
Cheers...
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Forgiving and Forgetting???
After a long break, I finally decided to pen something down.. Something that had been at the back of my head, buried deep down in my subconscious mind... Questions that keep popping up in my head, questions that don't have to be answered, dying to be kept beneath and yet they are still forcing me to search for an answer...
Discontented, hatred and delusion... Does it bother me right now? Honestly, I totally have no idea... Lost again...So lost... Forgiving and forgetting... Yes, I've fogave but forgetting isn't gonna work right now...
Why on earth did he not visit me when I was in hospital? Even as a good friend, he should have... His office was only 10 minutes away... I was admitted for a whole week, in much pain, agony and discomfort, and yet he wasn't even there to console me.. Not even as a friend...
I had a total of 3 needles on my right hand, one huge IV drip just below my neck, 3 (2 big and 1 small) DRAINAGES embedded into my chest (when the doctor took it out, it looked exactly like 'ALIENS TENTACLES'- huge and long) to remove 'dirty blood'; and one tube inserted in 'you know where' (to urinate)..
I couldn't move or talk much... The 15cm incision was painful... My entire neck, shoulder blades and chest was excruciating painful... It was worse that labour pain (someone had already verified it)...
And yet, why was he so cruel? Or can I look at the bright side? Maybe he was scared to see me in that shit.. Afraid of pitying me and wanting me again? Should I make this kinda remark? Should I think this way to please and comfort myself? Should I??? Lame excuses like he was busy and had no time... Do you think anyone could take this kinda stupid excuses?
For the entire one and a half months, he only visited me when I asked him to... The most he sat down was only half an hour... Do you think he should deserve a big slap? Yes? No? Is he cold-blooded? Yes? No? Or does he deserve something more than a big slap on his cheek??? Occassioanally, until today, I still suffer from stiff neck, shoulders and discomfort on my chest especially when I'm sleeping...
I forgive him.. Really.. But I will never forget what he had done.. Also, I will never ever forget something that happened 4 years ago that had a deep impact in me...Will forgive but never forget... Why? Do you think I have the chance to forget? Do you think it's possible? If anyone says 'YES', obviously I think he/she's lying... Unless if I'm suffering from amnesia...Probably it would help then...
One problem led to another... Now, someone is treating me so very nice, and it's unavoidable.. I've no idea what to do next? What should be my next step? My family, my mom and dad doesn't understand me.. They think I'm a desperado... So against my decisions... Practically, they want to decide for me although theoretically they said no.. But if I don't listen to them, they'll scold and give me a hard time...
The best way is to leave.. But don't get me wrong... I won't die.. I'm scared to die now.. I haven't accomplished anything yet.. I haven't done all the things that I wanted to do so much previously...
If I've the chance to go somewhere, it has to be quick... I can't be stuck here... I hate to feel lost and demotivated again... The only thing I can do is to study... Maybe get a Masters degree.. I want to improve myself... I want to feel good again... The opportunity is coming.. Just have to be patient and for wait another week... I can feel it.. The only thing that's holding it back is- MONEY and TIME... I don't want to spend so much of my family's savings just to pursue my interest... And I don't want them to wait for me so long to see me bearing 'good and healthy' fruits...
Leaving is the best option.. If I don't get to do it, I'll be so lost.. I'll be stuck in a huge dilemma.. I've already made huge mistakes and yet I still make the same blunder... Too impatient... Too rush.. I rush into things quite easily.. That's what my parents said.. But I don't think so... If only I had their blessings, I would definitely give myself another chance and be proud of it..
At the moment, my mom will never understand what I want.. Everyone wants it their way... But did anyone asked "WHAT I WANT???" My parents always say that they give me so much freedom to choose what I want but like I said earlier..I've to comply to them or else they'll give me a hard time...
Why CAN'T I DECIDE WHAT I WANT AND THEY CAN SUPPORT ME THROUGHOUT MY JOURNEY??? WHY DO THEY NEED TO GIVE ME A HARD TIME??? I try to be super honest with my parents and I think it's a wrong decision.. Can you imagine I'm already a grown up and yet my mom is still treating me like a 16-year old????
She's too over-protective.. Luckily I'm a person who'll fight for my rights.. Unlike my sister, she won't... And see what has happened to her now? I don't blame my mom for that.. It's just that her way of loving may not be suitable for us... Different people have different way of bringing up their children.. They think that it's the best for them but at the end, it doesn't always work that way... It may BACKFIRE... Lesson to be learnt for future parents...
Okay.. Coming back to the topic, I don't know whether to accept this nice gentleman who's currently treating me like his princess (although I don't look like one- Hahaha) whole-heartedly or how... I can't keep dragging it on like that... I need a firm decision... If I'm too firm, he'll be hurt.. I hate hurting people... I do miss him a lot...Believe me.. Love his company but I don't know whether it's alright to go on when I'm still healing...
The only answer that I have now is I know I'm unable to love him with all my heart and soul at this present moment.. I don't know what can happen in the future and I don't even dare to think about it... I'm such a bitch.. Worse than that.. A SUPER BITCH... Giving false hope to others...
Someone please knock my head and wake me up... Currently I'm still in deep sleep and I'm dreaming I'm in a roller-coaster that won't stop... Everything is happening so fast.. So fast till it seems that there's no way to stop... No escape...TRAPPED...
Anyway, I feel much much better these days.. I don't easily feel down or irritated.. Just quite demotivated.. It's like having a hangover.. Am sick today but I'll be fine the next day... I've to set a clear picture of what I want out of my life and make it happen...
Cheers~~~
Discontented, hatred and delusion... Does it bother me right now? Honestly, I totally have no idea... Lost again...So lost... Forgiving and forgetting... Yes, I've fogave but forgetting isn't gonna work right now...
Why on earth did he not visit me when I was in hospital? Even as a good friend, he should have... His office was only 10 minutes away... I was admitted for a whole week, in much pain, agony and discomfort, and yet he wasn't even there to console me.. Not even as a friend...
I had a total of 3 needles on my right hand, one huge IV drip just below my neck, 3 (2 big and 1 small) DRAINAGES embedded into my chest (when the doctor took it out, it looked exactly like 'ALIENS TENTACLES'- huge and long) to remove 'dirty blood'; and one tube inserted in 'you know where' (to urinate)..
I couldn't move or talk much... The 15cm incision was painful... My entire neck, shoulder blades and chest was excruciating painful... It was worse that labour pain (someone had already verified it)...
And yet, why was he so cruel? Or can I look at the bright side? Maybe he was scared to see me in that shit.. Afraid of pitying me and wanting me again? Should I make this kinda remark? Should I think this way to please and comfort myself? Should I??? Lame excuses like he was busy and had no time... Do you think anyone could take this kinda stupid excuses?
For the entire one and a half months, he only visited me when I asked him to... The most he sat down was only half an hour... Do you think he should deserve a big slap? Yes? No? Is he cold-blooded? Yes? No? Or does he deserve something more than a big slap on his cheek??? Occassioanally, until today, I still suffer from stiff neck, shoulders and discomfort on my chest especially when I'm sleeping...
I forgive him.. Really.. But I will never forget what he had done.. Also, I will never ever forget something that happened 4 years ago that had a deep impact in me...Will forgive but never forget... Why? Do you think I have the chance to forget? Do you think it's possible? If anyone says 'YES', obviously I think he/she's lying... Unless if I'm suffering from amnesia...Probably it would help then...
One problem led to another... Now, someone is treating me so very nice, and it's unavoidable.. I've no idea what to do next? What should be my next step? My family, my mom and dad doesn't understand me.. They think I'm a desperado... So against my decisions... Practically, they want to decide for me although theoretically they said no.. But if I don't listen to them, they'll scold and give me a hard time...
The best way is to leave.. But don't get me wrong... I won't die.. I'm scared to die now.. I haven't accomplished anything yet.. I haven't done all the things that I wanted to do so much previously...
If I've the chance to go somewhere, it has to be quick... I can't be stuck here... I hate to feel lost and demotivated again... The only thing I can do is to study... Maybe get a Masters degree.. I want to improve myself... I want to feel good again... The opportunity is coming.. Just have to be patient and for wait another week... I can feel it.. The only thing that's holding it back is- MONEY and TIME... I don't want to spend so much of my family's savings just to pursue my interest... And I don't want them to wait for me so long to see me bearing 'good and healthy' fruits...
Leaving is the best option.. If I don't get to do it, I'll be so lost.. I'll be stuck in a huge dilemma.. I've already made huge mistakes and yet I still make the same blunder... Too impatient... Too rush.. I rush into things quite easily.. That's what my parents said.. But I don't think so... If only I had their blessings, I would definitely give myself another chance and be proud of it..
At the moment, my mom will never understand what I want.. Everyone wants it their way... But did anyone asked "WHAT I WANT???" My parents always say that they give me so much freedom to choose what I want but like I said earlier..I've to comply to them or else they'll give me a hard time...
Why CAN'T I DECIDE WHAT I WANT AND THEY CAN SUPPORT ME THROUGHOUT MY JOURNEY??? WHY DO THEY NEED TO GIVE ME A HARD TIME??? I try to be super honest with my parents and I think it's a wrong decision.. Can you imagine I'm already a grown up and yet my mom is still treating me like a 16-year old????
She's too over-protective.. Luckily I'm a person who'll fight for my rights.. Unlike my sister, she won't... And see what has happened to her now? I don't blame my mom for that.. It's just that her way of loving may not be suitable for us... Different people have different way of bringing up their children.. They think that it's the best for them but at the end, it doesn't always work that way... It may BACKFIRE... Lesson to be learnt for future parents...
Okay.. Coming back to the topic, I don't know whether to accept this nice gentleman who's currently treating me like his princess (although I don't look like one- Hahaha) whole-heartedly or how... I can't keep dragging it on like that... I need a firm decision... If I'm too firm, he'll be hurt.. I hate hurting people... I do miss him a lot...Believe me.. Love his company but I don't know whether it's alright to go on when I'm still healing...
The only answer that I have now is I know I'm unable to love him with all my heart and soul at this present moment.. I don't know what can happen in the future and I don't even dare to think about it... I'm such a bitch.. Worse than that.. A SUPER BITCH... Giving false hope to others...
Someone please knock my head and wake me up... Currently I'm still in deep sleep and I'm dreaming I'm in a roller-coaster that won't stop... Everything is happening so fast.. So fast till it seems that there's no way to stop... No escape...TRAPPED...
Anyway, I feel much much better these days.. I don't easily feel down or irritated.. Just quite demotivated.. It's like having a hangover.. Am sick today but I'll be fine the next day... I've to set a clear picture of what I want out of my life and make it happen...
Cheers~~~
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